Dammit I hate when I know that I am stretching myself too thin, I feel like it’s a sign of weakness on my part, by my brain is fried my nerves are fried. I feel like I’m one step away from snapping. Goddammit, I have so much shit to do and it feels like everything is engulfing and I can’t breath. I’m so tired, this glamorized view of the college student burning the midnight oil it pisses me the fuck off. Somehow I’m expected to go to college and excel with a full course load, each of which requires my full attention while at the same time look after the needs of those around me and making sure, the kids have a ride to school. I have to be available at a moments notice to take whoever to whatever appointment they need regardless of the fact that I might have to miss class, all while getting continuously but down by society and my family for not being able to find full time employment.
It’s no wonder that 14.5% of college students test positively for clinical depression, but even that number seems to low. We’re taught to follow the pursuit to this bullshit notion of the “American Dream”, but how is that possible if you need an education to get a good job, but that job requires you to have experience, which you can’t get because you’re trying to be a better candidate by being educated. We as a culture always stigmatize college dropouts as lazy or not willing to put in the effort, but it’s a scary place to be in when you feel the hard critical judging stares of society and family all coming down on your shoulders. All I can do is what millions of us do, take a deep breath and carry on because what other options are we left with? It’s either sink or swim, live or die.